CHRISTOPHER MATTHEW VAN NEST

Welcome to my "About Me" page.

Here you can learn just enough to judge me.

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The Places I've Called...

Detroit vs. Everybody. 

The Motor City. Motown. Murda Mitten. Whatever you might call it, I call it home. I know it gets a bad rap, but I loved growing up here. One thing about the city is that it forces you to be tough and to be a hustler, which is probably where my work ethic came from. 

Detroit Hustles Harder.  

DETROIT, MI

From one cold place to another. 

You'll probably hear me say this a lot, but I loved my job here (Weber Shandwick) and had an amazing group of friends. Every day I woke up thinking, "So this is it...the real world."

However, I also had this feeling that if I was going to do the big city, then I needed the BIG city. And so I was off...

CHICAGO, IL

NEW YORK, NY

So I got a thing for cold places, so what?! 

The best city on Earth. Again, I loved my job (WAT-AAH!) and was doing things I only dreamed of doing. I had a great group of friends - many of whom were from my hometown and just moved out there. There was one downside, though...

I was still young and very broke, and NYC is very expensive. Despite working full-time and freelancing on the side, I just couldn't afford to live. So, on I go...

AUSTIN, TX

A blueberry in a bowl of tomato soup. At least that's what some folks refer to it as.

Now, I'll admit, moving to TX was not something I did with a smile. But after the housing crash of 2008 economically obliterated my city (Detroit) overnight, my mom moved down here. It was her that convinced me to come after NYC. 

Again, I loved my job here (Starwood) and very quickly had a great group of friends and couldn't go anywhere without seeing a familiar face. To an extremely extroverted introvert, that's a nightmare. And even if I wore a hoodie I ran the risk of instant cremation. 

So the same places, same faces thing led me west... 

LOS ANGELES, CA

Home So Expensive Home. 

The second best city on Earth is where you can find me today. 

Despite living here for a decade, and interning here in college, I'm still constantly in awe every time I cruise down Hollywood Blvd (notice I did not say "walk"), catch a glimpse of the Hollywood sign through our A-List pollution, stroll down Cañon or Rodeo, and turn on the TV and see that someone just did something only a block or two away. 

There's still so much I need to do here before I even think about leaving, so settle in! 

2 TRUTHS + A LIE

It's the standard office icebreaker.

You know the rules: Two (2) statements are true & one (1) is false.

Let's see how well you really know me. What, you don't?! Let's fix that...

If you've spent time outdoors, then you probably know to never keep opened or easy-to-access food on you. But it's not like I was sleeping next to a rotisserie chicken! Regardless, something came sniffing around in the middle of the night.

It was in the single-digits with about six (6) inches of fresh snow on the ground. It was so cold that I lost all feeling in my toes and fingers, which woke me up as my body's last defense against frostbite. That's when I heard a nosy nocturne rustling around outside of my tent.

Any bear would've been hibernating (I would've if I had the chance). Was it a Wampus Kitty - a mythological beast said to roam this area of rural Michigan?

I nervously peeked through the mesh window and in the distance saw a silhouette of a wasn't-going-to-find-out.

I banged the little pans from my mess kit together to scare it off and I guess that did it because I didn't hear it again.

Needless to say, I slept in a cabin the following night.

You know the lyrics:

"There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti."

Although it seems like he's talking about how nervous he was before "Losing Himself," someone actually did hurl spaghetti on their sweater in front of Uncle Marshall (as we called him) - and that someone was me.

When I tell people that I'm originally from Detroit, the first thing they ask is, "Like 8 Mile?!" Yes, actually. "Do you know Eminem?!" Yes, actually. He lived in a mobile home park with a giant playground across the street from the apartment that I lived in during middle school. He would sit on his steps with Hailie (who was a baby at the time).

One evening after dinner (I'll let you guess what I ate), we were running around a little too much on the playground and right there in front of all my classmates and Slim Shady himself, I projectile vomited - with the majority landing on my Coogi sweater (which was definitely "in" at the time).

Eminem actually said to me a couple weeks later, "One day kid, I'll owe you." I had no idea what he meant at the time.

(But no, I haven't gotten my residuals or royalties check...yet)

THINK YOU KNOW WHICH ONE IS THE LIE?! LET'S SEE...

If you're wondering how I'm still alive - well, you and me both!

This happened backstage at the #SAVAGEXFENTYSHOW VOL. 1 at the Barclays Center. Rihanna had just closed the show and walked off stage where she was swarmed by photographers, models saying their thank-yous, security and staff.

I had been waiting in the wings because I needed Rihanna to record something really quick for social and marketing purposes, and everyone just proved to be in my way.

As she approached I began calling out for her, hoping she'd be able to see me through the constant flashes and phones being shoved in her face. The downside of being a celebrity, I suppose.

I, foreshadowing the consequences of not getting this task completed, screamed at her to pay attention to me so I could get this content. Well, she definitely heard me. And if you think anyone gets away with yelling at The Bad Gal...well, that's her name for a reason.

I WAS ONCE IN A SHOUTING MATCH WITH RIHANNA IN FRONT OF A CAMERA CREW, MODELS, CELEBRITIES & HER TEAM

AT 14, I (THINK I) ENCOUNTERED THE WAMPUS KITTY WHILE SLEEPING ALONE IN THE FOREST.

I WAS THE INSPIRATION BEHIND EMINEM'S ICONIC LINE, "MOM'S SPAGHETTI."

Damn... I Miss That Body.

This photo won a modeling contest "back in the day." It was an underwear shoot for Perry Ellis.

Now Cue the Cliché: I Love To Travel.

Major metropolitans or historic hamlets - I love them all. I'm a huge history buff and am fascinated by towns rich in history. I'm mostly blown away seeing how people lived back in the olden days. Couldn't be me! But as much as I love all-things historic, one thing should always be modern: Plumbing.

I digress. My recent travels include...

KEY WEST, FL

The most vibrant town on the eerie archipelago.

SANTA BARBARA, CA

Recent & often. The entire area is just a vibe. Dallas loves it too because he can actually come. The best part is that In typical SoCal style, you can travel a few miles and be in an entirely different world: Ojai, Santa Paula, Ventura & Solvang.

LONDON

I try to take one (1) solo trip every year. No friends. No fam. Make new ones if needed. But really, all you need is your passport, an openness to receive, and a good Canadian accent in case 'ish goes down.

I touched down in Londowntown for Christmas 2019, just months before the world shut down.

Cancun or Tulum.

Because Instagram said it was cool.

Throughout the Years...

Alexa, play "Chicken Fried."

My aunt always had land and farm animals. Visiting was a nice escape and took me back to my Scouting days. I loved taking care of the horses, but everything else (waking up at the crack of dawn, aggressive chickens, emus that'll peck your head off, and that good 'ol fashioned down-home racism) I'm ok without.

The birth of my best friend's baby (aka my nephew).

It was a Thursday, and I was in Beverly Hills when I got the call. This was before the motorcycle but I still made it to Irvine in rush hour traffic in record time.

I was a lil' athlete. I suppose I still am, but it's different as an adult.

Sports were a huge part of my life up until high school graduation, and even into college on the intramural teams. Although I had the opportunity to compete on the collegiate level with a scholarship, I turned that down.

WHAT?! It's ok...I had academic scholarships to fall back on. Ya boy is smart, too. But since I never had dreams of going pro, I figured I should use the whole college thing to focus on an education instead. I'd be lying though if I said that I never thought, "what if?..."

I came across this photo and had to include it - mostly so I don't lose it. During my freshman year my friends & I were asked to shoot all of the "lifestyle" images for the MSU magazine. This was the only one I could find unfortunately. Pretty sure we started the ultra-wide-lens / fisheye thing. #trendsetters

I'm officially a homeowner!

After my grandparents passed away there was really nothing left in Michigan for me. I mean, I had friends there still, but there was no "home" left. So, in 2022 I bought a home - just a few minutes from where I grew up! It's a nice escape during the holidays.

And for the record, there's hella security so don't even think about it!

DALLAS.

The dog, that is.

But hey, ain't they all?!

I rescued Cameron from the Downey shelter back in 2020 when he was 6 months old. This stumpy little "Lab Mix" with prominently-pointed ears was caged next to a massive (and massively aggressive) Belgian Malinois on one side, and on the other were five (5) or six (6) of the loudest, tiniest, "yip-yip" dogs imaginable.

Cameron would run to the front and whimper, which I'm sure translated to, "Omgtheyareallsoannoying!" But he occasionally would also growl and bark at me for no reason.

I thought he was crazy, but it was cute. So I took Cameron home, and immediately had to change his name. He didn't mind. No offense to any Cameron out there.

He Can Be Annoying, But He's Adorable.

He loved that toy.

So much so that he ate it. And subsequently every other toy after that.

I guess he thought I threw it?!

It was a scorcher in Venice that day.

motorcycle.

I Ride A...

It's a build (can't you tell?!) with an iridescent, color-shifting paint job that I created.

📸 CVN

Originally it was blue, then a matte royal purple, then matte copper, then matte white, then a hodgepodge of colors that resembled an LA night sky (it was pretty dope, if I do say so myself), and today it's an iridescent color-shifting "chameleon" color. So if you see me ridin' down the street gimme a honk (And watch me get startled and go flying off the road. How will you live with that guilt?!)!

On long weekends I love hopping on the bike and riding up to Ventura or Santa Barbara for a night. Dallas doesn't like it as much. My goal is to one day ride the Cali coastline up to the Bay Area.

PS - I feel the need to disclaim that I am not that a**hole whizzin' by you on the freeway. I may go cautiously cruising by, though, because lane-splitting is 1) Legal 2) Necessary to prevent overheating since motorcycles don't cool off in the CA heat like cars, and 3) Statistically safer and prevents getting rear-ended. *ahem* I digress.

Dallas must've heard his name...

Not the show, unfortunately.

PARKS & RECREATION

"Be The Change You Want To See In The World Parks."

I Was the Youngest Person In My City To Ever Serve On a Municipal Board.

• On November 22, 2004 I was appointed to my home town's Parks & Recreation Board - making me the youngest person ever in the city to serve on a municipal Board.

• I had just begun my freshman year in high school when the opportunity to serve presented itself. It was a tenured year appointment, and I served for two (2) terms.

• I'm a product of the Department - having been enrolled in every youth summer camp (and later working as a Counselor), and the baseball and swimming programs. I also frequented our parks, pavilions, and library.

• Responsibilities included (but not limited to):

  • Representing the city's youth in the decision-making process.

  • Voting on all motions, helping to either approve or kill any proposals that I felt weren't in the best interests of the city's youth.

  • Bringing motions to the table for a vote.

  • Providing input on budget allocations, voting on budget proposals, and putting budgets forward to a vote.

  • Listening to residents' concerns and suggestions during public comment sessions.

  • Be available to students in my high school to learn and understand their concerns and report back to the Board. I also included proposed solutions, and impact analyses.

2 TRUTHS & A LIE

2 TRUTHS & A LIE

The reveal

This is completely true! Well, I can't say for sure that it was a Wampus Kitty - a mythological creature - roaming around outside of my tent, but I can say that something was.

I was a Boy Scout for 7 years or so (but don't tell anyone, or else!), and one of the requirements for making Eagle Scouts was to literally be dropped off alone in the woods in the middle of winter and survive overnight. Now, a SoCal Scout could do this no problem. But remember, I'm from Michigan where winter hits a lot different. There was about six (6) inches of fresh snow, I did wake up on the verge of frostbite, something was prowling around, I did scare it off, and I definitely did sleep in a cabin the following night.

AT 14, I (THINK I) ENCOUNTERED THE WAMPUS KITTY WHILE SLEEPING ALONE IN THE FOREST.

I WAS ONCE IN A SHOUTING MATCH WITH RIHANNA IN FRONT OF A CAMERA CREW, MODELS, CELEBRITIES & HER TEAM.

I WAS THE INSPIRATION BEHIND EMINEM'S ICONIC LINE, "MOM'S SPAGHETTI."

✅ TRUTH

❌ LIE

This is also true, and there's footage of it that'll never see the light of day.

I was waiting for Rihanna backstage, and she was being swarmed by photogs with blinding flashers. In her defense, it was impossible for her to see clearly. I mean, I could barely see and no one was taking pics of me (except me)! But after calling out to her a couple of times to no avail, I finally put the bass in the voice and demandingly shouted, "Robyn Fenty get over here NOW!"

The world came to a screeching halt. Jaws hit the floor - including mine. You don't yell at your boss, let-alone Rihanna! She stopped dead in her tracks and then all I could see was the palm of her hand no more than an inch from my face. [Sidenote: It's true that Rihanna always smells good...even her palms, apparently!]

As she slowly lowered her hand I could see her eyes glaring into mine. "Whelp, goodbye cruel world. It's been real..." I thought to myself. "Oh my God [laughing], hi hi," she said as she put her hands on my shoulders, recognizing it was me. I let out a huge sigh of relief, we chatted quickly, laughing about the craziness surrounding her, I got the content I needed, and she was off!

Thankfully, this is completely false. I mean, how embarrassing!

Although Eminem and I are both from Detroit, I never lived near him and definitely never projectile vomited spaghetti in front of him.

✅ TRUTH

You've reached the end...so I think that makes us besties now.

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